When you feel like letting go...

Jul. 24th, 2017 07:17 pm
badfalcon: (LOVE)
[personal profile] badfalcon
Apparently, sometimes you just need to dance in the rain!

It’s been an… odd couple of months, mental health wise. I’ve been struggling and trying to deny it and back on my meds for three weeks now. I had the nightmare 10 days or so of riding out the waves of side-effects. Obviously, the meds aren’t fully functioning yet but I’m starting to see some admittedly small changes.

This week… this week has been very stressful at work.
Facilities me has been run off her feet sorting out the after effects of a fire in the warehouse.
Finance me has had some pretty epic yelling suppliers. There have been tears and there have been tantrums!

It all came to a head on Thursday afternoon. I snapped at a supplier on the phone, I hid in the loo and cried multiple times. I ate my weight in chocolate a few times over. I was… shall we actively fighting the urge to do something stupid. I mostly achieved it.

Throw in a hellish drive down to London on Friday (it took me 7 hours to drive 170 miles!) and the weather at the weekend and I almost said fuck it and didn’t go.

But I did.

Saturday, in an utterly shocking statement, I went to a Raintown gig. They were playing in Canada Square as part of Nashville meets London. Kicked the whole thing off which was AWESOME. It was slightly damp in the way that I was soaked through my pac-a-mac. I’d hit the point I was completely drenched, couldn’t physically get any wetter.

I just… I let go. I was singing my heart out, crying my eyes out, laughing, and just… yeah dancing in the rain. It was what I needed.

The Sunday Wibble-a-thon

Jul. 16th, 2017 09:42 am
badfalcon: (If You've Got It Flaunt It)
[personal profile] badfalcon
Yesterday was a nice chill day, mostly spent catching up on youtube channels. Today I would like to get some words written and I would like to get some stuff done around the house. No pressure on myself, just if it gets done then great, if not, then that's also ok. I'm still reeling from getting so stressed Thurs/Fri and I've got a few big weekends coming up so...

The Sunday Wibble-A-Thon> <img src= )

The Saturday Wibble-a-thon

Jul. 15th, 2017 11:19 am
badfalcon: (You Make Me Wanna La La)
[personal profile] badfalcon
The morning is almost over but it's been a good one. I was up Tesco bright and early this morning, got my shopping done and put away. I'd been craving Rice Krispies for a few days and treated myself to some this morning... best bowl of cereal ever I swear.

The rest of the morning has been spent listening to music and reading.

The Morning Wibble )

One step forward, two steps back

Jul. 14th, 2017 09:39 pm
badfalcon: (Last Time)
[personal profile] badfalcon
Yesterday was another really good, positive, productive work day. Then I got home. Opened my post and there's a fine, for driving my car untaxed. Huh, I think, that's strange, I never got a reminder. Rang the company to query and apparently DVLA still have my old address on record. I tell them I notified them when I moved over three years ago.

Ring up the DVLA to lodge a complaint. They state they never received my notification. I tear my flat apart and I cannot find my log book anywhere, so I think what happened is that I sent it, they never got it and I never realised that I didn't get it back. I got my driving license back ok though, and that's the same fucking DVLA... right.

So, I can't tax it over the phone because it's registered to a different address. No-one is actually able to tell my why just that it's policy. I argue that the situation was the same in September last year yet I was able to tax her over the phone then. Again, no-one had an answer for why...
We've covered that they're fucking useless, right?

I end up having to take the morning off work to go into town (rang my boss last night in panicked hysteria), go to the post office, fill in a 'lost log book' form (making it very clear I sent it to them in May 2014 and that I was very unhappy at having to pay a £25 fee for a replacement for 'losing' it). Then the lump sum for the 6 months tax wiped out my savings. I couldn't set up a DD because of the whole 'wrong address' issue.

This evening I rang up the fine company again and they've at least let me set up a payment plan so I don't have to try and find that. That's a nice £17 a month for the next few months.
I also asked if an apology could get back to the girl I'd spoken to last night because in hindsight I was rude to her (although lets face it, you shouldn't work in the inbound call centre for debt collectors if you can't handle stressed/pissed/angry people!)

I may sound calm as I'm writing this but I'm still stressed out as fuck. I'm very pissed - at the DVLA and myself. I'm embarrassed. I'm stress eating - and just aware enough that I'm doing it but not healthy enough that my coping techniques are working.

The Morning Wibble

Jul. 13th, 2017 07:26 am
badfalcon: (Where The Wild Things Are)
[personal profile] badfalcon
Hey look at me, actually awake in the morning and not just running blindly out the door to work!

Pretty lives here )
badfalcon: (Don't Stop Believing)
[personal profile] badfalcon
I've been back on the meds for 12 days now and I think I've finally ridden out the waves of side-effects. I'm still not myself, that's going to take a while but I'm finding things just a little easier. That's possibly a placebo since it's not even been two weeks but I'm not going to complain.

I was told I look more like myself today. That made me smile. (Although, who have I been looking like if not myself?

Today was also one of those days where everything fell into place with work. I had a really productive day and it was one of those where every time I blinked the clock had shot forward. I was able to finally resolve a couple of really big, ongoing, frustrating, accounts issues which made me feel awesome.

I wasn't completely wiped out when I got in either which made a nice change. I had enough energy to catch up on all the dishes that needed washing. I cooked (ok, took a frozen dinner out and nuked it) and watched The Lego Movie. I'm about hitting a wall now, ability-to-can wise, though but this is the best I've been in about 6 weeks.

I don't know if this is the beginning of a positive upwards trend or 'just' A Good Day - either way, I'm not complaining. I mean, I'd really like to find my old routine again - there's plenty of stuff I miss doing but I also know better than to push myself. Right now, if all I'm managing is one thing around the house of an evening? Well, that's better than the other week. So maybe next week I will aim to make my evenings be 'one thing in the house, cook/eat/watch and then make the effort to come online and blog/read my flist.

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